{Extreme} Public Apology

I ran my mouth last night. I know that’s not surprising to anyone because that’s one of the things that I do all too well. However rather than just feeling like an idiot for talking too much I feel really badly for dogging my husband to the bystanders.


Did I really want to punch him in the face? Absolutely. Did I need to share that with our mutual friends in his absence? Absolutely not.

To those of you who witnessed my outburst and were looking for the number of a priest who could perform an exorcism, I’m happy to announce that I had my quarterly break down last night and all is well. My general routine is to let things build and build and build until I just break down and have a good ole cry and usually take it all out on Jay.



I’m probably the most stressed out that I can ever recall being. I’m not a get-stressed-out kind of gal. I go with the flow and do quite well (if I must say myself) with juggling everything. Well…business is booming. Which is FABULOUS-don’t get me wrong. From July 1-September 18th (vacation time!) I will have had 18 different photo sessions. 7 of which were weddings. On average I take 800-1000 images at a wedding so that’s at least 6000 photos to edit not even counting the other 11 sessions. It’s just a bit overwhelming--especially with the regular 40 hours, 3 & 4 year old, house to attempt to keep clean, laundry for 4 people and a Sunday school class to teach. I think I'm going to hyperventilate just thinking about it.

Now…add to that unexpected house guests in this case the in-laws-who I adore but are surrounded by non-stop drama-and it’s just made my cup overflow (and not in the good Hope Floats kind of way folks). So when Jay had a lazy day on Tuesday that was it. All I could take. When I got home last night I told him I was mad at him and he was clueless. I had to spell it out for him and he laughed!

Jay: “I’m sorry… I didn’t even know you were mad. You know if you ever want me to do something all you have to do is ask.”
Me: “I shouldn’t have to ask.” (Come on, I know some of you ladies have used that line)
Jay: “Well, I’m really sorry. Sometimes it’s just nice to be lazy for a change.”
Me—in between sobs: “I wouldn’t know!”

Its okay you can laugh too. I was completely feeling sorry for myself. He really is wonderful and of course he deserves a day to be lazy. He works two jobs just like I do. He works really hard to provide for our family and make sure we’re all happy and taken care of.

So I would like to apologize not only for airing my dirty laundry but also for complaining. I’ve never thought of myself as a complainer but as of late I find myself complaining all the time. I LOVE taking pictures and am so extremely thankful to not only be doing what I love but to have been blessed with a thriving business in these economic times. I thank God every day for my life and I feel like the luckiest girl on the planet. I just need a pause button and a few little elves to boss around and life would be perfect.

*************************************************************************************

I just got back from lunch with Jay. He gave me a gift certificate to the spa and a doozie from Great American Cookie Company. I love that boy. I just may keep him after all.

Oh…and by the way…he doesn’t exactly know about my outburst last night so let’s just keep that between us okay internet friends? I’ll tell him eventually. I just need to cash in on my massage first;)

I also apologize for these ancient photos. Sadly, they're all that I have on this computer.

Red Cups + Rain Boots = Teamwork

It never fails. When Jay goes out of town something will go wrong. I think my very first blog entry ever was when Jay was in Kentucky and everything was going wrong. This time it’s not quite so dramatic. Not even a big deal really but it was a pretty funny scene.

Before I type this I’m going to ask for no judgmental comments. I quite likely could get in trouble with child-welfare services for confessing this.

With that said, while it’s not an ideal practice and I really try not to do it any more than I have to…I still occasionally have to throw Bryson in the shower with me. Yes…I know that he’s four now & I’m most likely scarring him for LIFE!! Most of you are probably thinking “Hasn’t been a couple of years since she told us that adorable story about him asking if it was dangerous to touch girls there?” Well, yeah, it has and I really try not to practice mixed showering with him but here’s the skinny though. Jay tore our front bathroom apart in FEBRUARY. (you read that right, as in the second month in the year). He assured me it would be completed in a couple of weekends. Well, I know my husband so I took that to mean a month or so. Yeah, 5 months later and I still can’t give the kids a bath. Our back bathroom only has a shower and while they’re pretty mature kids for their age I can’t exactly tell them to go take a shower by themselves can I? Nope. So if Jay’s not here then that leaves me. Okay, I just wanted to get my defense out of the way before I begin our story today.

So, it was community shower time at the Looney house Sunday night. While it didn’t take long to realize that the water wasn’t draining very well, it did take just long enough that I had the kids all lathered up and was half way into the process. So as we notice water pooling around our ankles I try to rush up the shower and this just got the kids riled up so they decided to play chase around my legs while I was trying to speed this up. (All of this is in like a tiny stand up shower mind you). So I finally wrangle everyone to get them clean just before the water reaches the spill-over point. I get out and throw a robe, instructing the kids to stand really still. Well, of course to a 4 year old little boy with a huge puddle of water that can only be interpreted to splash in the water, right? So I fuss and dry up the water in the floor and get the kids dried off and attempt to use the plunger on the drain. Not helping at all. I also had to let Bryson try to plunge it because well, he’s a guy and apparently that attitude of “It’s not working just because a girl is trying to do it” starts early. In his defense, Jay did instruct him to be the man of the house while he was away and to take care of us so I couldn’t let him disappoint his Daddy by not even giving it a go. I know this is shocking but the plunger didn’t work for him either.

Naturally I didn’t have any draino on hand but don’t count me out yet because I’m a quick albeit non-traditional thinker folks. I told the kids to get their rain boots and two red plastic cups. We made an assembly line and my children, in p.j.’s and rain boots, scooped up cupfuls of water from the bottom of the shower and passed them down to me to pour in the sink. They thought this was a grand adventure and problem solved! I put some draino in it the next day and it was good to go.

So while the event started out with me thinking “Classic. Jay’s gone for 5 hours and everything goes to pot.” (Side note: what does that mean anyway…goes to pot?) it ended up being a pretty fun adventure that I’ll remember and laugh about picturing my kids in their rainboots singing about teamwork and thinking their momma is pretty fabulous.

My Number One Fan

I just managed to do a complete post from the my entry to this one. I wonder if there’s a class on condensing your thoughts…?

Anyway, I’m writing today simply because it was requested that I do so. Yep! Little ole me has a blog fan who has asked me repeatedly to hurry up and write something new. (I think my head is swelling just a little) Who is this moron you may be wondering? That would be Mr. Justin Miller himself. Deep down I really think he just enjoyed by post in which I gushed about how wonderful he is and really wants me to write something else about him. If I wasn’t sure, then after he surprised me by bringing me lunch at work complete with a turtle cheesecake dessert then that made it pretty clear. So here it is Justin, just for you!

You really are an awesome person and I’m so glad to call you a friend. You’re one of those people who I may not see for a while but still feel 100% comfortable around and can pick up right where we left off. I know that if I ever needed you for anything I could call you at any hour of the day or night and you would be there.

That got me to thinking about how incredibly lucky I am to have so many amazing people in my life. So I’m going to give a tribute of some people that I wouldn’t be here without and can count on for anything. I was going to put it all into one but I think that wouldn’t quite do these folks justice. So I’ll just spread them out a little. Maybe, just maybe (which most likely means maybe not) I’ll also include a photo too! Yeah, don’t get your hopes up but that would make it a little better if I could swing it.

Since you’re the inspiration for this post I’ll start with you Justin. Since I did dedicate an entire blog to you once already, I’ll keep it short. Plus, you’re going start getting on up there with my blog-bragging on Jay if I give you too much blog time (but if you’d like to bring by some more turtle cheesecake then I’ll see what I can do)

I feel like we know each other as well as if we were siblings. We both have a strange sense of humor and banter quite well off one another. I’ve given you love advice while we sat atop of 5 gallon paint buckets and you’ve helped me bandage myself when my gracefulness sliced open my flesh yet –again with the box cutter. (Why didn’t Charles take that thing away from me?) I’m sure we couldn’t count the hours we’ve laughed together or the number of games of rummy we’ve played or the mellow yellows we drank back in the day. I love you & I’m so glad that you’ve found Micah to put up with you. She’s precious and you seem as blissfully in love as I’ve always hoped you’d be someday.


I know this isn’t the blog post you were exactly looking for. You wanted another bizarre story that could only happen to me. Well, you’re in luck because I just happen to have one that I’ll try to post next.

Jamakeover...Derailed

Okay, so the Jamakeover got a bit derailed. Oh, all right, SERIOUSLY derailed. It started off really well…

… My first week weigh-in I checked in at 129.2—Woohoo!! Just sliding in under that frightening 130…week two happened to be the week of my work conference and dun dun dun...death sentence for Jamakeover (Take One I’m now fondly referring to it as). You see, these work trips are fashioned much like a feed lot. You eat an enormously huge and delicious breakfast followed by sitting in a cold boring meeting for a couple of hours. Then you get a break where gigantic cookies are served followed by a couple more hours of meeting then lunch and you guessed it meetings then afternoon snack of popcorn & fudge, candy, etc. followed by a huge dinner. Rinse and repeat for 3 days and all of us ladies are sitting quite plump and feeling ready for the slaughter-hence the feed lot analogy.

So honestly, I haven’t weighed in since that fateful trip because I’ve just been too scared and now a month has passed. Every weekend I find myself saying “Tomorrow I’m starting over” yet that hasn’t exactly happened yet. So it’s another week & I guess I’ll go ahead and give it another go.

But I really wasn’t writing this blog entry to talk about my jamakeover failure I just thought I’d get that out of the way since I left off claiming to have had some life-changing revelation about changing things. Which, in my defense, I really did feel that way at the time…it just got a bit lost somehow.

I would like to say a huge THANK YOU to every single one of you who commented and emailed with words of encouragement. I still have 3 or 4 emails to return and I’m so sorry I haven’t replied to you yet. I promise that I will and actually there are some drafts that I’ve started and haven’t had a chance to finish yet because, well, I am completely incapable of making anything short and sweet. But I genuinely appreciate the wonderful things you’ve said and stories of your own that you’ve shared. You’ll never know how much I appreciate it!

Since this turned into a lengthy post on its own (imagine that!) I’ll just leave it as is and do a completely separate entry for the real reason I was blogging...

Jamakeover

After hearing me whine about needing to get in shape for…well…ever I suppose, you’ll all be happy to know that I’ve finally got the motivation I need to get in shape! My sweet little hubby booked us a trip to Jamaica for our 10th anniversary next year (Woohoo!!). That partnered with the fact that I will be THIRTY in December have fueled me to begin my “Jamakeover”. So the big 3-0 is 6 months away and Jamaica is 12 months away so I’ve got a good map laid out for me I think.

Okay, here’s the part where it’s going to get just a little deep so please feel free to bail from reading this post. This is completely for my benefit. I know I’m usually a light-hearted gal but this is part of my Jamakeover plan. (My self-therapy session) If I completely lay it all out there and everyone knows my business then my theory is that I have to see it through. I'm sure some of you already know all of this because I'll pretty much tell anyone anything they want to know about me but I think that actually typing it out will make me feel like a big enough loser to actually do this.

I’m really hoping to make this a lifestyle change. I eat junk. I eat sporadically. I’ve went days without eating at all until 3pm and then nurse a whole bag of jellybeans until about midnight when I discover I’ve eaten them all. Then I usually feel guilty and throw them up. I eat when I’m not hungry and at all hours of the night (it helps me stay awake to work on pictures-at least that’s what I tell myselfJ) So basically I’m just a pig and I will eat whatever is in front of me at whenever presented. That’s bad enough for me but now I’ve got kids to think about. Kynsley is such a candy lover like her mama and if she sees me eating it then of course she’s going to want some! How can I raise them to be good eaters and have good habits when they're mother is a psycho?

I am TERRIFIED that Kynsley will grow up with the same insecurities that I have and have had my entire life. I was a chubby kid. I mean, really, I was. If I had an old photo I could include in this then I totally would. My grandmother (who I love to pieces and don’t hold responsible for my insecurities) used to tell me I was going to be short & fat and Amanda was going to be tall & slim. Every time I went to the doctor as a kid he talked the entire time about my weight, It was all about how heavy I was, how I needed to stop eating so much, try to be more like your sister (Amanda was always rail thin and I don’t think she hit 100lbs until she was in her twenties), if you’re at a birthday party then it was okay to eat maybe 5 chips but otherwise don’t eat that stuff…etc. That’s what I got every trip to the doctor. Then in 6th grade I got really sick and lost a ton of weight. I don’t remember too much about it but I was out of school for weeks and they were testing me for cancer and all kinds of things. I was at the doctor at least weekly and the doctor was singing praises then about how he loved seeing the numbers on the scale dropping. Then he’d worry about was wrong with me. Well I got better and I don’t know what they ever figured out was wrong but I was well and I was “thin” finally and could share clothes with my sister.

Too late. The damage was done. It wouldn't matter if I weighed 90 pounds right now I’d only see a big fat girl. *(sidenote: I think this therapy is working because I’m about to cry typing this) So I’ve lived my life up to this point with that mindset and I really don’t ever expect for that to go away. It’s drilled in me. I’m fat. It’s a strange thing though because I don’t carry that judgment over to other people, it’s reserved only for me. Rarely do I look at someone else and think they’re fat or overweight but I’m insanely critical of myself. So I’ve lived dieting, enjoying getting stomach viruses just to be able to drop a few pounds and never wearing belts unless they’re high waisted because that just points to my fat waist.

I think one of the reasons I loved being pregnant was because for the first time I didn’t feel fat. I was supposed to have a belly and I felt proud of it. Then after back to back babies I went in for my yearly checkup and my doctor told me that my weight was great and not to kill myself trying to get rid of the baby belly because $14,000 worth of surgery was the only way that was going anywhere. She even suggested gaining a little weight to fill it out more and it would look better (is she crazy?!) and gave me a hand out on why dieting needed to stop. So rather than take her advice I just went through periods of bulimia and struggled with it even more.

Well now I’ve had enough. I’ve got my motivation. I’ve been thinking all along that by the time the kids were old enough to remember I really didn’t want them to have memories of their mother obsessing about her weight all the time. Yeah, that time’s here if not a little passed. I don’t want my daughter to be the one typing something like this 28 years from now. **Another sidenote: I know I keep talking about Kynsley and it sounds like I’m not worried about Bryson but weight issues are tougher for girls it seems. Guys just let it roll off their backs and even if they’re a little chubby they can always be funny, right? ** So, I’m starting now. Actually I started Tuesday, June 1st but I just haven’t had the time to type this up until today. I’ve started eating healthier and staying active. Hopefully my kids will get used to healthy habits. I’m still going to eat cookies and cake and candy but just in moderation- and not for entire meals. I’m going to do it the healthy way this time. My goal is not to be super skinny but to be healthy. Inside & out.

So by form of public humiliation, I have now officially begun! I took my measurements but I forgot to bring them with me so I’ll post those later tonight if I have a chance. But my starting weight is: 132. If you know me very well then you know I must be panicking because I hate to step into the 130’s but I’m handling it pretty well.

I’ve eaten good all week (with the exception of splitting some Mongolian beef with Brooke but I deserved a reward) and I’ve ran or walked almost every night and I feel good! I’m excited. I’m planning to post my figures every week as a way of keeping me on track. So feel free to ask me how it’s going or ask me what I weigh or how far I’m running or walking. It’ll keep me motivated. Jamaica & 30 here I come!

Cute Summer Dresses & Windy Days Don't Mix

If they ever decide to do a modernized version of I Love Lucy somebody needs to let me know. It seems like every day I am getting into some kind of crazy antic that seems exactly like something Lucy would do. On today’s episode…

Since the weather has been so hot and I so love little summer dresses, I picked out a cute little dress to wear to work today. It’s really flowy and hits just above the knee. Kynsley helped me pick out my white 4 inch sandals to go with it. Super cute we thought. (Yeah, she’s only two but the girl’s got style).

Okay, back to the story. Jay called and couldn’t do lunch today so I was left to my own devices to find something to do. I decided to run into Wal-Mart really quick to pick up just a couple of things. No need for a buggy since I was just going to be in and out. Then I noticed they had 2 liter Diet Sundrops on sale for 88¢! JACKPOT!! Y’all know how I love my Diet Sundrop. Well, crap…no buggy. Oh well, I decided I’d just get two and come back later to load up on more. I trek to the self checkout and pay for my four items with cash. At this point I have a purse on my shoulder, a bag on each arm and my change in my hand. I walk outside grinning at everyone I pass because you know I’m annoying like that and get outside to wait on the traffic until it’s my turn to cross over to the parking lot.

Here’s where it all went wrong.

I decide while I’m waiting to take this opportunity to put the change into my purse and retrieve my keys. At this exact moment a big gust of wind blew the money right out of my hand. All the cars stop while I try to chase down my four $1 bills. Naturally they all blew in different directions and I’m scuffling around in my four inch heels trying to daintily squat down to pick them up because I can’t bend over and do it the quick way (see paragraph about my wardrobe selection for the day). Well, turns out there was no need to be dainty because I then realized that the wind had my dress blowing crazily around MY WAIST!!! What with the bags on each arm (and the purse and the keys, etc.) there was no possible way to hold it down. Oh dear. All I could think about was “What underwear did I put on this morning? If I have to be publicly humiliated at least let me have chosen cute panties today…”

I know what you’re thinking. “Alicia. It was four dollars. Why didn’t you cut your losses and save your dignity?!” I’ve been asking myself that same question friends. I’m sure any one of those people where stopped in traffic with all of the commotion would have gladly given me four dollars if I’d just went to the car and stopped flashing the whole parking lot. Why it didn’t occur to me to just walk on to the car as if nothing happened I have no idea. I am happy to say that I let the receipt blow right away. Yep, didn’t even try to chase that one down.

You’d think one would be in tears of humiliation after this debacle but not this girl. All I could do was laugh all the way back to work and think about how much Holly was going to appreciate this story. You see, if I am Lucy reincarnate then Holly is my Ethel. So I got back to work and told my tale and me, Holly & Justin all laughed until we cried. I’m choosing to look on the bright side. I was able to stop traffic at Wal-Mart and most likely every person who saw me got a good laugh out of it too. I’m just hoping that I didn’t know any of them personally…

Realizations

Realization #1

I have reached a point in my life where a grunt and random comment from a strange dirty man who’s passing by me in a store leaves me feeling more flattered than disgusted. This bothers me on a few different levels, obviously. I’m hoping it’s just a rite of passage for young mothers who have post baby bodies and are nearing the big 3-0. I do apologize to women everywhere and promise I’ll try to do my best to feel completely insulted if there ever happens to be a next time.


Realization #2

I have whined and complained entirely too much about my tailbone being broken/hurting. I know this but if I could somehow describe the pain then I think everyone would completely understand and feel that I am justified. Lately I’ve tried really hard not to complain but even without saying anything the wince and near tears every time I stand up, roll over, pick up a child, turn the wrong way…etc. gives it away. Where I used to want to punch Jay in the face for laughing at me every time the agony hit, I can’t even get mad anymore because it is quite humorous I suppose. So while I’ve realized my excessive complaining the thing that tipped me off that I’d gone too far was a conversation with Kynsley:

Kynsley: “Hey Momma, guess what my monkey backpack’s name is?”
(she was referring to one of those leashes for your child that’s disguised as a “backpack”)

Me: “What did you name him Sweetie?” (There’s no possible way to guess with this child. She comes up with some doozie names, let me tell you. For example she wants Anna Beth’s little brother to be named Tyree—where she got that is anyone’s guess)

Kynlsey: “His name is TAILBONE”.

Me: “…Oh…right…okay”

I guess I know where she got that name from. Clearly she’s heard it a few times.

Realization #3

I missed my calling. I can’t take credit for this realization as it was reached with the help of Jay but he’s dead on I have to say. I totally should have been a character on a Disney show. One of those stupid shows like The Wiggles or Imagination Movers you know? I act like that all the time and don’t get paid for it. Singing? Check. Dancing crazy with children? Check. Saying bazaar, idiotic things and having people laugh at you? Check, check.

See there. It would have been perfect.

Realization #4

I'm really getting older...like...noticeably older. I find myself really enjoying listening to 99.1 at work and I always used to consider that an easy listening station. I keep trying to tell myself that surely they must have changed their format but deep down I'm afraid I know the truth. I also photographed a high school sorority lead-out a couple of weekends ago. Wow. Nothing will age you quite like that.