Free to good home

one 3 year old male-blue eyes, curly hair, contagious laugh

and one nearly 2 year old female-blue eyes, crazy hair,

loves to entertain.

I'm kidding, of course. But after this weekend this thought may have entered my mind. We attempted a fun-filled trip to Atlanta which turned out to be a stress-filled trip that left us questioning our decision to take the kids to Disney World this fall. Parts of it were fun but by the end of the weekend I feared that Jay might actually throw up his hands and say "I'm done" leaving me with these little terrors, I mean angels. I know, you're thinking wasn't it just your last post that was talking about how awesome your kids were? Well, that was before we attempted a short road-trip with them. They were pretty good I guess for a 2 & 3 year old it's just that they've gotten to the age where they interact alot. Their conversations are hilarious but Miss Kynsley has also learned exactly what to do to push Bryson's buttons, therefore the craziness and fighting are sure to follow. I've tried to tell Bryson to ignore her but that does no good. When strapped in a carseat they can't really get to each other to wrestle it out (not that I condone that or anything) so they just yell back and forth. EXHAUSTING. Oh, and apparently my kids hate hotels. When it came time to go to sleep neither could understand why we couldn't go home and Bryson just kept crying saying "But Mommy we don't live here!!" We did take some pictures so I'll try to post those later and make the trip look all glorious and good-times.

Dear Major Petty,

I too, cannot believe that we have never actually met face to face. It has been almost 3 years since you first took out your loan with us and in that time we have grown to be friends. You are a pleasure to deal with and I always enjoy your 5 minute "Praise Jesus" voicemails and 30 minute "Preach it sista!" phone conversations. The work you and your wife do for our country is extrememly honorable and in our short time of conversing with each other I have seen you from Iraq to Virginia and now Washingto D.C.

Thank you so much for the care package that you sent. Kynsley enjoys her blue sleeper with the dog on it and Bryson loves his camouflage bible with his special message from "Uncle Petty". My husband and I are studying the Iraqi to English translating guide as I am sure it will come in very handy one day if we ever decide to plan a trip to that war-torn country. As always, you are so thoughtful and I love getting the Happy Kwanza and Thinking of you Sister cards in the mail. I promise that I will put those hard copies of the photographs of my children in the mail as soon as I can and although I cannot ensure that you can be featured on the cover of our magazine as you requested, I will do my best to have you featured in an article very soon.

I received the flyers that you sent regarding your property for sale and the house in Montgomery that is for sale. I would like to remind you that although I made you separate payment stubs for your special principal payments, had the guys drive by the property you are interested in to give you an update and have made the "Welcome to Alabama" phone calls to all of your BRAC friends that you requested, I am not your personal secretary. If someone inquires about land for sale I will let them know about your property but I hope you will not hold me responsible for selling it for you.

So on this Memorial Day weekend, I would like to Thank You for your service and No, for the 73rd time, we still do not have any foreclosures that I forgot to tell you about.


With love,
Alicia

Stinkin' Awesome

If you are around Matt Burns for any length of time I guarantee you will hear him say these words. The more I've been around him and heard it the more I have to agree that some things are just Stinkin' Awesome! There are just no better words I can think of to describe them. So here's a list of Stinkin' Awesome things that are on my mind today...

1. Angela Burns.
Yep, that would be Matt's lovely wife. She is STINKIN' AWESOME and I have a feeling that she may be the muse behind this catch phrase. She is the sweetest person you could ever meet and although I've technically only known her for 3 or so years I have no idea what I did before she was in my life! I love this girl. I am so in debt to her for favors I think I may have to pay for any future wedding between our two. She's always there with an ear or a shoulder and she has the sweetest way of reminding me of things that I need to do that I've been trying to remember to do for weeks without making me feel like a complete moron (don't worry, I still know that I am, I just appreciate her restraint). So here's to you Angela....you are STINKIN' AWESOME.

2. Carmel Bugles. Try one and you will agree-STINKIN' AWESOME

3. Careless Whisper by Seether--just heard this remake yesterday! Who would have ever thought? Not me but I guess that's why I'm not a music producer. Well, have a listen, it's STINKIN' AWESOME

4. While I'm on music, Grace Kelly by Mika. This song is so STINKIN' AWESOME. Everyone should make a point to start their day off with it and I guarantee you will smile all day while it plays in your head. I lovelovelovelove it. My children and I like to dance to it. It's a win for everyone. We have a blast and Jay gets a good laugh at us dancing like crazy people.

5. Long Weekends. No explination needed. STINKIN' AWESOME.

6. Justin Chittam. He works here with me and went to the store yesterday just because we were out of diet drinks in the kitchen. (I'm the only one who drinks diet but I drink about twice as much as the guys). He brought back a case of Diet Sundrop-my favorite and he even brought me a cold one too because he thought I might want it right away. I know it sounds like I'm his awful boss who barks orders, makes him bring me my favorite things and yells "No wire hangers!!" but actually he's boss over me. He's just STINKIN' AWESOME.

7. High Heels. I know this sounds trivial but you wouldn't believe the negative comments and vibes I get because I wear high heels. Before I had kids it was "You're gonna have back trouble one day!" (nice try--I inherited that anyway) then when I was pregnant it was "You're not really gonna wear those when you get big are you?" (I did) and then when the kids arrived it was "Are you really going to wear those 4 inch heels and carry the babies around?" (I do) So say what you will. I haven't fallen with the kids yet and I take the occasional day off for flats but nothing can make me feel instantly skinnier than a pair of heels. They're theraputic. I'm serious. Just back off-they're STINKIN' AWESOME.

8. My Husband. He is amazing. I don't know anyone who I can laugh with like I do with him. We have the best time together and he always makes me feel so special and important. Even though I want to throw the remote at his head sometimes because he finds it impossible to fold laundry and watch a ballgame at the same time. Or even though sometimes it feels like I have 3 children because I feel like I need to punish him along with Bryson & Kynsley since he's the one that showed them how to bounce so high on the bed. He's still my steady and I love him to pieces. Just a little more work and he'll be STINKIN' AWESOME.

9 & 10. My sweet babies. I know we all think our kids are special but I've almost accepted the fact that mine just are. I used to as Jay "Are they really this cute or do we just think so because their ours?". Well, I don't ask anymore because they are. My not-yet 2 year old notices if I have on a new shirt, scarf or necklace and says "Oooh, pretty mama. You look bootiful." or when I've had to whip her for something she's done (which is daily lately) she says "I sorry mommy. I not do it again." She will do anything for a laugh and if she prays for no one else then she always prays for all of the dogs. Precious, precious precious. My 3 year old is so tenderhearted it almost makes me cry. If I ever have to sneek in Kynsley's room after she's asleep he always wants to go in with me so he can peek at her and he'll say "Look mama, she sure is cute" and every morning he wants to be the first one in her room and greets her with "Good Morning Sunshine! Are you ready to get up?" I could go on and on. They are just STINKIN' AWESOME.

So Thank you Matt. I have now officially adopted your catch phrase and plan to put it to good use.

My Male Nurse Encounter

I've had a little heart issue ever since I was a baby and lately I've been having some trouble so I had to go in to see my cardiologist. His office is in the Heart Center & I've been over there several times but if you've ever been or even passed by you know that place is huge. There are several doctors so there are tons of staff. Well in all my visits I've never encountered a male nurse. As soon as you go back to a room they check your blood pressure and do an EKG. Well last week when I went in the nurse (female) was updating my information and going through the 15 minute questionnaire when a guy knocked on the door and wheeled in the EKG machine and said "I'll go ahead and do this for you while you're getting her information". She told him that was okay she'd get it but he insisted. I was thinking No...really! I'm in no rush-she can do it! But of course I didn't say that because he was obviously trying to be helpful. If you've never had an EKG it means you have to sit there bare-breasted while they hook up the little thingys to your body and get a reading. So then he said it "Lift up your shirt to your chin please". Cringe. He did at least let me keep my bra on though which I was ever so thankful for. All the while the girl was still asking me all these stupid questions like "Do you have black tarry stool?", etc. and my job is to answer and keep holding my shirt up to my chin. Well I was avoiding all eye contact with male nurse for obvious reasons but I did glance over at him to realize he was having to squat down to try and stick the things up my shirt. Apparently in my attempt to pretend he wasn't there I was holding it straight out rather than up. So I apologized and pulled it on up. He was really polite about it and I know that's his job but that didn't mean I was prepared for it. I have absolutely nothing against male nurses I just think in somewhere like a cardiolgist or say obgyn's office that they should post a warning or something. You know, MALE NURSE ON DUTY so at least you can mentally prepare.

After I had some more tests I was sent to another room to wait on the doctor to come back in and I heard the male nurse in the room next to me. He was helping what had to be a really old woman. She sounded about 118 years old and she had another lady who sounded to be a caretaker in there with her. Everyone was screaming at her because she couldn't hear them and the male nurse shouted "If you could just hold up your left breast please" then after 5 minutes or so he shouted again "You can go ahead and sit it back down now". I was feeling embarrased for me before but now I was mortifyed for everyone in that room! I could obviously use a little extra help in the bust department but I'm so grateful I don't have to be instructed to pick up my breast and set it back down--especially by a male nurse.

I wasn't even going to post anything about this because it just seemed odd writing about my boobs but I had to go back in today for some more tests and he came out to the waiting area to call someone in (not me thankfully) and gave me a little smile. I know he was just being friendly but all I could think about was that poor guy he had to look at my boobs...and that old lady's.

Am I potty training or labor coaching?

Bryson has mastered the potty (with the exception of night time). Just typing that will probably jinx the whole thing but I feel confident in saying he's pretty well mastered it. We haven't had an accident in several weeks now. There is one major problem though. Well, it may not be a problem but it's definitley annoying and exhausting. When it's time to do the dirty job, #2, poo-poo, whatever you want to call it, it's complete chaos. Rather than just saying "I need to use the potty" like he normally does he starts screaming and running all over house like a mental patient. Obviously, that's the cue so I herd him towards the potty and plop him on it. He refuses to use the potty chair because he can't stand to get it dirty so he sits on the big potty and cries, screams, kicks and has a complete come-apart. I am in no way exaggerating people. It's ridiculous. So after being kicked and usually poked in the eye then I have to say "Come on Bryson, you can do it! Squeeze my hands, PUSH!!!" By the end of our 10-15 minute ordeal I feel like I've just delivered a baby just to flush it away. Sometimes I really just want to scream at him JUST DO IT ALREADY!!!!! Seriously, what takes the male species so long?? I will never in a million years understand that one but apparently it starts right from the beginning. Oh, and the real kicker? As soon as he's finally done his business, he laughs & says "lookie there momma! clean me up!" His mood has completely changed while I'm left sitting by the toilet exhausted and in a horrible mood. It would help if Jay could do potty duty for these jobs but when he tries to take him Bryson just tells him he wants to do it the way mommy does it.

Maybe my next career will be a midwife.

Bad Hair Part 2

You know how you might think something looks really awful (haircut for example) but then you tell yourself it's probably not really that bad? Well, it's as bad as I had feared. Jay told me I looked like I belonged at an '80's convention. I have no idea what an '80's convention is and I doubt that he does either but I get his point loud and clear. It's as bad as I thought. Something has to be done. Expect some sort of updo on Sunday ladies.

Good thing we don't do pagents

Kynsley is the sweetest little girl in the world. She wakes up smiling and keeps it up most of the day. She compliments people, says "peese", "tank you" and "yur wecome". Overall you couldn't ask for a better child but when it comes to taking pictures she's a major pain in the rear. It's a nightmare! I do believe she is the least photogenic person I've ever come across. It's so completely frustrating!! Now maybe I'm just a little spoiled because Bryson is a dream in front of the camera. He smiles and holds the pose until you've got the shot. He takes direction well-lower your chin, put your arm around your sister, etc. he's a natural.

Kynsley, on the other hand...

She's impossible. She won't cooperate at all.

I did manage to get a couple of ok ones out of our canola field shoot though.

Well, she'll never win Miss Photogenic but at least we get some good laughs out of it:)

Is there some kind of rehab for indecisiveness?

If there is, then I totally need it. I don't really know how it started or if this is just something that I am by nature but I have a serious problem with indecisiveness. It's not really that I can't choose things-sometimes that's the case but it's usually just that I don't want to be the one making the decisions. I'm always afraid someone else will have an opinion and not like what I choose. I generally don't care because overall I'm a laid back, go with the flow & pretty easy to please kind of girl so why not let everyone else pick? Sounds easy enough, right? Wrong. I drive people crazy. I mean I really annoy people with this and I don't mean to! I see it as trying to be polite but it just gets on everyone's nerves. It was so nice when Bryson reached the age he could make decisions for me. So by the time he was 18 months or so he would pick out where to eat and help me pick out what clothes to wear. The only downside is that for a while all we ate was Ole McDonalds and then Cracker Barrell & now his favorite is biscuits from the Colonel (KFC). Luckily Jay is not afraid to make a decision so we're not stuck eating at those places all the time. Kynsley is a natural decision maker, thankfully. Since she was probably a year old she insists on picking out what she wears & seems to always know just what she wants.

Anyway...I'm veering off topic. Back to my problem. So what has really convinced me that I need help with this indecisiveness is my recent haircut. My hair could be an entire blog topic of its own (in fact it has been) because of its craziness. I searched for years and finally found someone who could cut my hair! She's been cutting it now for a couple of years and she's awesome, really. She knows how to work with the curl and just really seems to get it. So I went in last week, tired of my regular style because it seems like every 2nd person you pass on the street has it but I didn't know what to tell her to do. So I uttered those awful words "Just do whatever you want & that you think will look good." She explained it as she went..."putting in lots of layers"..."long enough to wear curly or straight"..."easy to style"...."this cut is GREAT on you!" Sounded awesome! She styled it straight for me and it looked good. It happened to be raining that day (imagine that!) so as soon as I walked to the car it was curling up and by the time I got home it was just a big frizz. Too soon to tell I thought. I tried straightening it myself for church and just couldn't get it so I ended up with a ponytail. Then the ultimate test because I rarely have time to straighten my hair anymore--I wore it curly. Wow. That's all I know to say. Just give me some leg warmers and a sweatband and I could absolutely be in the remake of Flashdance. Seriously--it's that bad. I in no way blame her. When she fixed it it worked. It's all the result of me not being able to make a decision. I would rather let the hairstlyist choose my haircut then me have to do it! What's wrong with me???! So now I guess I'll have to call her back for another cut or else start brushing up on my dance moves...